The Strength to Back Down
July 01, 2008
This month’s topic for all those people that have been through conflict techniques, and know them, but realize it is about the mental approach.
SITUATION- Needing Guts
Is this you?
You often avoid conflict because you dread sensitive issues or hard feelings.
(If you are the opposite, see next situation)
- Review the concepts of self-management
- Diagnose the situation and tell yourself that engaging in the conflict is probably the right thing to do. Your worst fears about engaging will likely not transpire.
- Modify your assertion level – “Have the guts”
- Strive to leave the encounter with some level of closure, even if it means a tentative agreement. This can buy you time if you need a break.
SITUATION- Needing to Back Down in Conflict – “Simma Down”
Is this you?
You have tendencies to steam-roll. Your competitive nature leads you to often “win” the battle but you worry that it will take a toll on the relationship.
- Take a breath and acknowledge that this is not about “winning.”
- Diagnose the situation. A logical plan will keep you in check.
- Modify your behaviors to be more approachable.
- Leave the encounter with mutually agreed-upon closure. If you have to dictate what the outcome is, do it with cooperative statements like
“It may seem like I am pushing this decision, but I truly am looking for the best outcome and your input has greatly helped.”