August 7, 2013
The crankster, the grouch, the Negative Ned, and the Debbie Downer … it’s just a regular day at work! At least you can look at those pests and say, “Hey, at least I am in a good mood!” But if you spend too much time around them, it’ll become contagious and affect your sunny outlook.
There are always a great list of tips floating around. Most of them work well. At Better-Leadership, we know a TON about interpersonal management, but we also know that the most important part of it is using what you know. Actually putting your skills into play.
This means being able to stabilize yourself, remain calm, and look at the situation with a level head.
Here’s one tip that is a little advanced.
USE A POWERFUL QUESTION TO ENGAGE THE DIFFICULT PERSON IN A POSITIVE WAY
Here are 5 categories of questions:
- Questions to learn more
Tell me more about what I need to know about that?
How do you see the problem?
- Questions to acknowledge the other person
In other words you’re saying that …
So from your perspective …
- Questions about the emotional state
How are you doing right now?
How are you feeling?
What comes up for you when you talk about this issue?
- Questions about his or her values
Why is this important to you?
What do you think is at the heart of the matter?
- Questions that identify common ground
I don’t think we’re that far apart. I think we agree on ….
We’ve talked about where we disagree. Are there places where we do agree?
You don’t have to memorize these. Find a couple that are comfortable for you and commit them to memory as a go-to question when in a pinch.